13 October 2011


That's right.
I titled this post, "Poop!" 
Are you embarrassed?
You should be. 
:: g r i n ::

Act One:

Mom and Baby make an unexpected trip into the city to take Daddy to the airport to acquire rental car for work.  After drop off, Mom & Baby stop to see their old friend, Target. Baby is in car seat and gets picked up and taken to dressing room so Mom can try on really cute blouse she found.

Mom: "It's okay baby, Momma's just going to try on this blouse really quick. See how cute it is?"

Baby:  {I can only suspect what he was thinking} "Mom, change me NOW!"

Mom: "This top is fabulous and would go great with a belt!"

Baby: "Change me woman!"

Mom: "What's that Remy? You're hungry? Okay, let's get you out of the car seat and feed you."

{this is why Mom loves the big dressing rooms...plenty of space and privacy}

Baby:  "Change me!....Oh, okay, I'll eat a little bit."

Mom: "Okay, are you done yet? Let's get going so we can meet Daddy."

{Mom thinks to herself that she should probably change baby here since he's already out of car seat.}

Act Two:

 Mom takes out changing pad and diaper and puts Baby down only to discover that something feels wet on her finger. Mom then turns baby around and notices that Poop, yes POOP, is all over the side and back of baby. Mom then realizes that she never, NEVER, carries the diaper bag inside when she goes to stores and because of this no has no clean clothes for very disgusting baby. Mom is in a slight panic.

Mom: {thinking out loud} "Okay Jennifer, what are we going to do about this? Why don't you ever bring the diaper bag in with you? Are you crazy! This is exactly why you always bring the diaper bag inside with you. Sheesh woman! I wonder if I can run to the baby section and get a shirt for him real quick. No, that would require explanation and I really don't like that lady that mans the dressing room. Can he just go naked in his car seat? No, it's windy and slightly cool outside, I'd look like a horrible mother.

Mean Dressing Room Employee: "How's everything ma'am?"  {translation: you have ONE shirt, what the heck is taking so long?"

Mom: "Okay, thank you! Almost done here." {translation: Did Target all of a sudden become fancy where the employee talks to you inside the dressing room? LEAVE ME ALONE!}

Mom continues to think out loud to herself.

Mom: "Holy moly this is a lot of poop! What is the situation? I cannot believe this is happening. I'm so glad I refilled my wipes case or else we'd be in big trouble right now.

The Baby who has recently discovered that it's fun to reach down and feel around below the bellybutton whilst being changed attempts to do just that while Mom yanks that little hand out of the way of the poop situation.

Act Three:

The wipes case is officially out of wipes now and there is a big, filled to the max and overflowing diaper on the little bench and a baby in only his diaper laying there happily while Mom is trying to see if her Mary Poppins size purse holds anything to help this situation.

Mom: "There has to be something in this giant purse for this baby. Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! I am Momma, Hear Me Roar!!!!"

Mom pulls out  sweater that Uncle bought for baby that is buried underneath her wallet and other various elements of nonsense in her purse.

Mom: "This wonderful, adorable little sweater is going to save the day! Yay Baby!!"

Baby: "Man, I don't know why you're so happy, but YAY for fun day at Target!"

Mom puts baby in sweater that is too big for Baby but because so, it perfectly hides his diaper and straps that sucker into his car seat asap. She remembers to grab blouse {that she loved! Go Target!} and little dressing room number and runs to her cart without making eye contact with over zealous dressing room attendant.

And scene. *

Okay so perhaps the above was a bit ridiculous but I assure you it is all true.
And to prove it, here is a picture of Remy once we got home an hour later.
He is still in sweater only and no pants.
{I had every intention of changing his clothes, but by the time I checked out and got to the car he fell asleep!}

Moral of the story?
Always have extra clothes in your purse or at least bring down your diaper bag with you!

*I would like to thank Ms. Davis, my high school drama teacher who taught me how to write a script.*

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